The Mask of Invisibility
Since she was brought into this world, Jane was taught to always keep it in. There is so much of her soul stowed away in the deepest, well-hidden compartments within her vessel of a body. She kept things concealed from the public eye, and only Jane was aware of these secret parts of herself.
This was no simple task. The art of wearing the mask of invisibility was one which exhausted years of practice, and not many people have agreed with the way Jane whole-heartedly accepted this challenge. This was due to the fact that more times than she’d care to admit, Jane forgets she’s wearing this mask to begin with. She lost herself through keeping the invisibility mask on; her secretive corners shadowed by the mask have gradually disappeared from her memory, until she was no longer authentically herself.
Unapologetically, Jane stood her ground; she ferociously fought to feign a vague image of who she was. That way, she isn’t necessarily lying to the world, but just exposing what she wishes to share. Jane never comprehended the reason behind this concept being heavily frowned upon. Perhaps it was due to the morbid reality of her parents teaching her to always deal with emotions on her own. It could also be a result of the bleak environment at home since childhood, where she’d be forbidden to have an emotional outburst.
Whatever it was, it has forced Jane to become a hollow version of herself, her insides echoing with a discomforting emptiness which she’s so twistingly gotten accustomed to, that it has become her norm.
“We understand that this news may be difficult to digest, Jane.” The doctor sat on the other side of the desk spoke softly, his cautious eyes observing her with hesitation, as if expecting an outburst from her, but it never came.
“Yes, quite so.” Jane responded tranquilly, her own sight resting on the autumn leaves scattered across the road through the doctor’s window. Her hand was held by her husband’s, who was sat right beside her, his baby blue eyes watering as he fought the tears from spilling over his flustered cheeks.
“Is it too late to … try and treat this?” His voice trembled, his lower lip quivering in a state of perpetual panic and anguish. His heart ached for his sick wife, and she squeezed his hand reassuringly.
As he casted his gaze on her, through his blurry vision, he could still notice her exceptionally calm expression, and he frowned deeply. How could she be calm in a situation like this?
“Mr. Anderson, your wife has stage four leukemia. Had you come to me sooner, perhaps there would’ve been a better chance at fighting it off.” The doctor explained as sympathetically as he possibly could, his eyes regularly darting over to Jane’s abnormal behaviour warily.
The married couple swiftly got in their car, Jane in the passenger seat, and staring straight ahead as she waited for her husband to roll out of the parking lot.
However, her husband made no move to do so.
“I’m surprised you didn’t react at all up there.” He murmured, almost too afraid to raise his voice in fear of upsetting her.
She sighed. “I’m just not surprised, Nick. It’s a common gene in the family and it skips a generation. It just happens to be my turn.”
Nick shook his head furiously. “You can’t tell me you’re actually okay with this.”
“I never said I was.”
“Then act like it, Jane!” Nick cried desperately. “I need you to show me how you feel so I can help you as much as I possibly could.”
Jane’s jaw hardened, her tone stiff. “You know I can’t do that.”
“You can if you just let yourself.” He argued.
“I’m not going to let myself crumble over something out of my control.” Jane snapped defensively, already regretting showcasing any form of emotion, even if it was sheer frustration.
“You need to let me in, Jane. I’m your husband.” He reached for her hand, clutching it as affectionately as his heart would allow him, and it allowed him too unconditionally. “Please.”
Jane blinked away the shocking tears that had sprung up in her broken eyes, and she sniffled stubbornly. “In my twenty seven years of living, I’ve been told to always keep it in and wear a mask to hide how I really feel.”
“Oh honey,” Nick paused, his voice soft and laced with adoration towards his wife. “You’ve been mislead. There is nothing more powerful than being unapologetically yourself.”
She lifted her head to gaze into Nick’s eyes, and she resisted the urge to release a heartbroken sob just yet.
“You really believe that?” She whispered.
He placed his hand on her cheek gently, and nodded with an encouraging smile, though his chest tightened in pain for her.
“You can be yourself around me, you know you can, Jane.”
Finally, for the first time in years, Jane held the mask of invisibility, and ripped it off her face, unleashing the horror it kept at bay, and she broke down in front of her husband. Her heart-wrenching sobs filled the car, her avalanche of tears cascaded down her cheeks and dripped onto her hands as she clutched her face. Her body violently shook with every sob of pain, every tear of hopelessness, and every cry of anguish.
As much as it was painful to take this mask off and endure the pain it let escape, she also felt a massive weight being lifted off her shoulders for being able to be open with someone after years of shutting herself out. She felt Nick’s arms wrap around her as he pulled her close, his hand gently holding her head as he allowed her to cry her heart out in peace.
“I’m here. I’m here for you.” He whispered.
As she continued to let out all her pent up emotions in Nick’s arms, she realised that she can never bring herself to wear that mask again, for it truly and utterly destroyed her.
“We’ll get through this together, okay? You’ll be fine. You have to be.” Nick spoke firmly, yet gently, causing Jane to nod her head against his shoulder, sighing in exhaustion and shutting her eyes. She found comfort in his presence, peace in hearing his heartbeat, and love in his ability to pull that stupid mask off her face.
For what felt like forever, as ironic as it may be considering she’d discovered she has a terminal disease, Jane felt truly alive for the first time in decades.
She would burn that mask.
